Am I The Only One That Thinks This Stuff Is Funny?

The 13 Things PMS stands for:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
And my favorite one...

13. Potential Murder Suspect

THE HORMONE WARNING: The Hormone Hostage knows that there
are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he
takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as
common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or
significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.

Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and
remember:
Money talks.... But Chocolate sings

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

I am in love with this time of year. Canadians tend not to decorate as much as Americans for Hallowe'en but lately I've been noticing more. I've been decorating for this hallowed day since we've been married and dressing up for many, many years. One of my best was Mimi from Drew Carey and last year I was a fortune teller with a table and crystal ball set up right on the porch. Creepy music, lights off, just candlelabrums strewn around the porch, love it. The best compliment is hearing the kids say "I dunno, it's kinda scary, are you sure you want to go to this one?" Another year, I had all these rotten vegetables in glass jars lined up on the porch railing, God it was great. My children think I'm a little whacked, that maybe I enjoy scaring kids a bit too much, but they seem to really love it. And I know when I was a kid I would have really liked it if a neighbour cared this much to really go all out for basically a children's holiday.

Knitting Update:

Finished all the pumpkinny sort of stuff (everything turned out great, and DN3 loves the pencil topper/finger puppet) and am frantically trying to finish Christmassy sort of stuff (scarves etc) but my SIL wants to go yarn shopping tomorrow and I just hate to say no to her, lmao. Besides, does everyone know what day it is on Monday? Yes, the Lisa season has begun, it is my birthday so I'll probably go on a serious SEX (stash enhancement expedition) and use my birthday as a very lame excuse to buy more yarn I probably don't need but love to feel.

Now If I Could Just Figure Out...

Story of my life. Constantly trying to figure out how to do stuff. I am the "tekkie" of the family. You don't know how funny that statement is considering I am useless when it comes to this computer crap. My husband is even worse (kid's grew up thinking it was always 12:00). I am the one that has to decipher all the manuals, toy assembling, etc. Life is a learning process, which brings me to my pictures. Gotta find out how to post them ALL together. Hope you like them. Have other FOs but wasn't sure if anyone wanted to see them. The FOs on the other blogs just seem so much more professional than mine.
~
On another note, am kinda depressed today. My mother called yesterday to tell me my uncle out west is really ill and my mom wants to go see him, but my father can't go as he has shows and an open house coming up (he owns a toy store), so I said I would go with her. I really don't want her to go alone, especially if my uncle is as bad as she thinks he is (my uncle's wife is kinda in denial as to his condition). I don't want my mother facing this alone.

That's about it for today, I have to go decorate outside, but have been waiting for the sun to come out but I don't see it happening.

PS Haven't forgotten you, Jane!

Umbilical Cord hats from "Stitch n' Bitch" in Mission Falls cotton, "Babi" from Grand River Yarns, Pumpkin Loot Bag (no face yet) and the Pumpkin Pencil Topper 

Farrow Rib Scarf from "Little Box of Scarves" 

A Very Harlot Ponch

In The Spirit of the Coming Holiday...Yes My Birthday is Approaching

I am going to gift you with some of the best websites I have found while mindlessly coasting through the internet. Warning to non knitters, some sites may bore the crap right outta ya.

Angel Hair Yarn, a listing of movies and television shows that have knitting references or actual actors/actresses doing the knitty.
http://www.angelhairyarn.com/movies.html

Tons of free patterns, be sure to check out the Hallowe'en patterns (am knitting the pumpkin loot bag for DN3 as we speak, well not really AS we speak but you know what I mean)
http://frugalknit12330.goeserv.com/

The Poncho Queen (need I say more, well over 100 poncho patterns and still growing)
http://faerycrafty.blogdrive.com/archive/140.html

I will not go to the library without this list
http://www.woolworks.org/bookref.html
Listing of books with knitting related stories etc.
(I am such a loser, I think I need some kind of anti-fibre medication)

Just because knit baby stuff makes me feel warm inside
http://littleturtleknits.com/

Am not a sock knitter but I love to share
http://www.socknitters.com/

Best Price I have ever seen for my dream yarn, Silk Garden
http://www.woolneedlework.com/

Did it and enjoyed it
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=channel172345

Great scarf pattern, especially for a man in a tweed wool
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=channel172064&rsc=tc16&page=1&site=

Most beautiful wooden needles I have ever owned (I like them better than Brittany AND Lantern Moon)
http://www.turn-of-the-century.com/knit.htm

Hope you enjoyed your little gift, and Jane, if your reading, be prepared for a picture of my knitting feet. I accept the challenge girl!

50 Ever So Interesting Things About Me

1. I love irish wolfhounds and newfoundlanders and plan to have one or the other one day.
2. I hate pattern graphs.
3. Some food labels make me physically ill.
4. Have googled "sex" and "hockey" many times together and am always amazed at the results.
5. I love my husband more now than I did when I married him and I so did not see that coming.
6. I still have nightmares that I am either late for school or can't find my homeroom.
7. My toenails on my third toe in on both feet fell off 5 years ago this October and I could never figure out why.
8. I was never allowed sugar cereal as a child and when I got married I went out and bought boxes of Count Chocula, Fruit Loops and Trix and hated them all.
9. My children have never had Count Chocula, Fruit Loops or Trix.
10. My kettle on my stove always has to be on the right back burner when not in use.
11. I have never seen The Exorcist or Titanic.
12. We had a cat growing up that lived to be 24 years old.
13. My mother is half chinese.
14. I am proud of the fact my mother is half chinese.
15. I have only been in a beer store once in my whole life.
16. I miss my cottage terribly.
17. I think everyone should watch "Fahrenheit 9/11".
18. I pray every night.
19. Astronomy never ceases to astound me.
20. I deeply regret never having gone to university.
21. I constantly compensate by reading up to 4 books per week.
22. I just started knitting one year ago.
23. Fall is my favourite time of year.
24. My birthday is not a day but a season.
25. Hallowe'en is my favourite holiday.
26. I want to learn to play chess.
27. I almost drowned when I was four years old in a pool in Lauderdale-By-The-Sea.
28. I am an Anglophile.
29. I love to bake.
30. Cleaning poultry totally grosses me out.
31. I miss the Two Fat Ladies.
32. I only read British Mysteries.
33. I often wonder how John Bobbitt is doing and if the parts are still in working order.
34. I will miss Christopher Reeve.
35. I can knit with my toes.
36. I hate polyester.
37. I get constant sinus infections.
38. When I start laundry I always have to start with the white javex load.
39. I hate red cars.
40. I hate long, fake nails.
41. My daughter has her belly button pierced.
42. I have another daughter that plays boys hockey.
43. My shoe size has increased by 1 1/2 sizes since giving birth.
44. I hate the sun.
45. I love rain.
46. My towels have to be stacked with the fold on the outside.
47. I collect blue and white transferware.
48. All my children are named after family.
49. I miss Don Cherry.
50. I think I may be slightly OCD.

OMG I Posted A Picture!!!

Holy Crap, I finally did it. After many months of fiddling with our digital camera, having it break, returning it to Future Shop, learning how to work the new one, I have finally posted a picture. That is the youngest (DN3) for those of you that keep track. She is also the same daughter that cut her own hair so outrageously a few years ago (See http://woolflowers.net/) Do you feel that mother's pain? What's new you ask? What have I been up to you ask? Well, there has been so much going on. Hubby's birthday party was a huge surprise and he loved it. He had a hockey game with his friends, then drinks and dinner upstairs at the restaurant. It was wonderful. DN2 is in semi-final action tomorrow for her school soccer team so I hope I am feeling better than I am right now (sore throat, hot air in the nose thing) you get the picture.

Pardon? Oh yes, thank you for asking, I am sleeping much better. I am in love with my king size bed. I thought I found true love when I got my Suburban (holds hockey bags, three kids, friends of kids, husband, dog and bulk knitting purchases, please don't preach) but that was just lust. True love is sleeping on the other side of the room from your "snoring so loud guests sleeping in the basement can hear you" husband. I also do not feel him get up in the middle of the night for a trip to the loo. So, with a few other adjustments, yes I am doing quite well, thank you.

Knitting is progressing, although not in a "have everything finished" way but in a "slowly but surely and hope the damn things are finished by Christmas" way. Harlot's poncho (in blue and white cotton) is 3/4 done but find I am not rushing so much now that the cooler weather is finally, God love it, here. Started, and completed another umbilical cord hat from the SNB book. I did it in my favourite green from the Mission Falls cotton colourway. I had to do a SECOND one, do you know why? Hah! Cuz I SOLD the other one. What ya think of that? I am so impressed with myself. Still working on Fleece Artist shawl and Little Box of Scarves scarf and much, much more. I will leave you in a bit of suspense since I plan on posting some knitting pics very soon.

I think that is it, but I always think of more after I publish my post. Have a great week and please continue to...

Knit On

Summer's Gone, Knitters Rejoice 

Hubby's Big Surprise

Hey gang, Btchwstix has been a very busy girl lately. Not only have I been suffering from severe insomnia but I have also been planning a surprise 40th Birthday party for hubby. His birthday was actually earlier in the week, so he basically thinks I am not doing much. But, Saturday night I have 40 of our dearest and nearest going to play a hockey game then dinner upstairs in their restaurant (its a huge hockey/entertainment/sports facility). Jeez, I hope he likes it. So between this and not sleeping properly, things have been a little hectic. On the sleeping front, I seem to be getting better and I'll tell you I am not the kind of person that can survive on 4 hours of sleep, which is what I was averaging there for about 2 weeks. I went to the doctor and received a clean bill of health, although initially he worried the crap outta me thinking I had a thyroid disease. Now I am scheduled to go to a sleep clinic so hopefully I will be in better sleeping order. I have been sleeping better lately although I am not quite sure why. I have been trying to get outside more during the day to get a lot of sunshine so maybe that has helped. I was thinking maybe my melantonin was out of whack. I also ordered a new bed, which we were due for as you are suppose to change mattresses every 8-10 years and ours is ten. I ordered a KING size bed so that means another $500.00 worth of sheets, blankets and mattress protection needs to be purchased but I am looking forward to the large playground my husband and I have to romp in now. Last week I tried a few times to post but the damn thing wouldn't let me so that's another reason it has been a while. Can't remember if I told you about the KW knitting fair but it was really great. So many vendors, I was confused but I did buy some beautiful "BABI" from http://www.gryarns.on.ca/ and couldn't be happier with the colour. Plus the price was right $22.00 for 660yds. Now for a knitting update:

1. Harlot Poncho in blue and white cotton is half way done. After the initial screw up of yours truly being typically blonde, I figured out where the increases are without the stupid marker sliding all over the place (thus creating a very unattractive asymmetrical design)
2. Scarf from Little Box of Scarveshttp://www.overstock.com/cgi-bin/d2.cgi?PAGE=PROFRAME&PROD_ID=730121 is working out very nicely in a mohair multicoloured mix
3. Still working on afghan from 1970s pattern book and am 1/3 the way through 1st of 5 panels
4. Started a triangular shawl in the new Grand River yarn for a Christmas gift to who I don't know yet
5. Still need to frog sweaters for DN2 and DN3 that have now gotten too small for their rapidly growing bodies
6. There's more, but the more I put this unfinished stuff in print the more I realize I have waaaaaay too much stuff on the go and it is kinda depressing me

That's it and will catch up with you all after the party.

Knitlit 2... Not A Cozy Read

So I wait freakin' months for this book from the library cuz I am totally taken with the first Knitlit and am sooo totally disappointed. So many of the stories are sad, not like low level sad but 2 or 3 kleenex sad. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind a bit of this thought provoking stuff but that's not why I am reading the thing. I am reading for great stories of how or why people started knitting, ufo horror stories and of course the odd traditional boyfriend sweater story but some of these endings just aren't nice. One mother knitting in her child's bedroom thinking apocalyptic thoughts, another about a crazy mother sending her daughter their dead dog's collar to her at college, like come on people this isn't comfort, it's too Stephen King. Knitting is my comfort, I don't want to read that. Enough bitchin' and complaining. Also, haven't posted much lately but have been so enthralled with the CNN coverage of Hurricane Frances, man I've been glued to it since Friday. I know so much about weather forecasting I could deliver it on the evening news, but I am like totally addicted. And don't start me on Ivan, waiting in the wings to descend on these poor people again, HOLY CRAP, how much can one state take? Hoping all is well with Faery Crafty who was going to possibly be in the direct path of Frances.

Camera Update:
Returned camera to Future Shop and am reading instruction book (literally book yes) and will be posting pics soon, God Willing

Gotta Go,
First Day of School Tomorrow
(What's that music in the background? Yes it is the most wonderful time of the year...)

Finally...Knitting Nirvana

Unlike my favourite group, U2, I have found what I've been looking for. Yes, dammit, after tens of hours searching the net for a knit pattern for a poncho that my daughter is pleased with, and all thanks to http://faerycrafty.blogdrive.com/ The most comprehensive poncho list I have ever seen. Wow, talk about dedication, you must check this out. Ya gotta love knitters. Come on, really, they are some of the most helpful, kind people. Last year, when I started knitting the charm bag from the SNB book, I bought the wrong needles and the woman at the knitting store took off all my work and put them back on the proper needles. And aren't they always willing to give free advice? What about the woman in the Knitlit book who owns the store and when she is too busy to stay she leaves the store open with a sign to take what you need and leave a cheque. Where do you find people this kind and honest? I don't know but it does make you think doesn't it? I mean which came first the chicken or the egg? Are people who knit naturally like this or does the actual "act" of knitting restore something in you, something left over from childhood about always being nice to people and to share and help. Too be honest, I have yet to meet a knitter I really dislike. Not that there is a lot of people on that particular list but truly, most people who share the love of this craft with me are, on the whole, fairly nice. I mean there may be a few I don't "connect" with but I still respect them and certainly don't hate them. Maybe there is something to this "knitting for peace" movement. Hey, I'm getting just a tad too philosophical for this time of night. I gotta go to bed, tomorrow is go get a new hairstyle day (how interesting is that with four women in the family?) Goodnight and Peace Be with You.

Lovin' Yarn Harlot's Poncho

Okay, trying to be very Martha today and it ain't easy in this Malcolm household. Awoken this morning by dog next door that starts barking at 7:00am EVERY morning (Sat and Sun included). Got my butt moving, DN3 dressed, load in washer, folded laundry, and out door to pick up bag and card to deliver tea cozy I knitted for housewarming gift (was suppose to be given when we visited 3 weeks ago but perfection takes time right?). Picked up some groceries as well, delivered gift, back to another grocery store for fresh fruit and veg then home to prepare lunch as DN2 will be home for 12:30 from hockey clinic. Made lunches, and prepared Paul Prudhomme's Cajun meatloaves to go in oven at 3:30. Cleaned up from lunch, loaded dishwasher and left to go pick up gifts at one of my husband's clients for a charity golf tournament on Sunday. Stopped at 3rd grocery store on way home to pick up DN2 eczema cream and extras for dinner tonight that I forgot at previous two stores. Came home and tidied up some more, picked some pears from trees in back yard and peeled potatoes for dinner. All this is leading up to the fact I have not picked up my knitting all day and am ITCHING to cuz I am loving this pattern from Yarn Harlot. She has requested everyone should knit this while she is on holiday and I am doing what I am told dammit! If anyone out there is looking for a nice simple pattern then this is your baby. I've done about 15 rounds and it is looking FAB. Need to start something else though, I don't know what yet. I like having 4 or 5 things on the go for variety. Well, gotta go, DN3 has Kumon and DN2 has a hockey game at 7:30 so better get moving.

I'm Baaaack!

Here I am back from vacation (last week) and thought I should be doing some serious updating. While I was away on the beautiful shores of Lake Huron I visited Philosopher's Wool. Stunning colours for those that like working with pure wool. Their farm/home/store is brilliantly organized and very welcoming. For those that are in the area I strongly suggest visiting them, however, she did tell me they would be at the knitting fair in KW in September.

I know some of you may be wondering why I am not posting pictures as promised. Well it is kinda a long story but needless to say the camera is broken and going back to Future Shop for replacement or repair. Please stand by.

What is on the needles you ask? Well, finished pink poncho for DN3 and it turned out perfect, only problem was finding a ball of Bella to finish fringe. Have made 4 of the umbilical cord hats from SNB book and am TOTALLY addicted to them, I just can't stop. I am also working on a scarf for a Christmas gift from the "Little Book of Scarves". Beautiful book/kit, I strongly suggest this, wonderful patterns. Still have not repaired Mission Falls sweater and have not frogged too small sweater for hockey player daughter. DN1 still wants a poncho or shawl so I guess I should start one for her. That's about it although I must say I am thoroughly enjoying this summer and love the cooler temperatures, lack of "poor air quality" days and no hydro threats (no one is using their a/c). So as un-Canadian as this sounds, too bad.

Knitting Forever,
Housework Whenever

Non-Stepford Wife

Yes people, I am totally aware that I have not posted in quite a while. I am trying to maintain a Stepford Wife Life and have come to the conclusion I am not succeeding. I am still trying to finish purple Ikea bedroom for daughter No.1 and just got repainted furniture back for daughter No.3's bedroom. As a result, I was not knitting for quite a while. Have started again the last week or so and this is the update:

1. Patons Bella Poncho done but no fringe as I ran out of yarn, am still looking for pink (Hollyhock) yarn to complete.

2. Mission Falls sweater for daughter No.3 done EXCEPT for neckline have redone SEVERAL times and have stretched yarn so much it now resembles pink dental floss.

3. Burgundy Hoodie for daughter No.2 was halfway up back when I held it up to 130lb hockey player daughter to discover I have taken so damn long knitting the thing she has grown at least one size and have to frog it.

4. Pink Mission Falls (leftover from the %$#@ sweater) Umbilical Cord hat from SNB book. Absolutely adorable, so cute I am thinking about getting pregnant. PS Thank you Dianne for the suggestion, DPNS and I are getting along very well and only poked myself in the eye once!

5. Started a shawl for daughter N0.3 cause "Mom they're REALLY hot now you know so could you like make me one and have it done like by Friday?"

6. And of course still working on panel of afghan from pattern book circa 1970 on 3.25mm needles (I think, ahem, been a while since I looked at the poor wee thing).

That's it, I think, but memory is failing so what can I say. OOOH gotta comment on this month's Knitty, WOW! And gotta love the licorice undies. It is HIP to KNIT!

Kids are at camp ALL DAY and should get some housework done and maybe more knitting.

PS Patons Summer Sale should be coming soon!

Finished Fandango Throw

Finally finished my beautiful throw. Have been wearing it ever since. As yet, Toronto has not seen any summer weather, we are definitely still in spring, which makes it very nice for knitting outside. I have an old fashioned type porch with white wicker furniture and it's perfect for knitting and drinking tea.

We had a soccer tournament in Markham on the weekend so I have almost finished the sleeves on daughter No.3 sweater. Haven't touched the hoodie in a while but oh, the plans I have. Thinking about more sweaters for the girls and wondering about those no-sweat pants in the Spring Interweave Knits Mag. Just don't know how to adjust them for children. My six year old would love them in a cozy yarn. Any ideas out there?

Well, better go. Had some computer probs last week and haven't been on line in a while. Gotta catch up with what's going on in the KW (knitting world).

The Yarnfather

Okay, I think I am doing things a little better. To all of you that have been wanting to post comments but do not want to register you now can as I think I have changed my comment settings.

Now, on to what happened at my garage sale. Yes, I put together a little bag of yarn (odds and ends) and 5 sets of needles. The needles were all plastic so this is the most decent burial I could think of for the little bendy suckers. Anyhow, stuck a $5.00 tag on and waited. However, competition was high. Neighbour's mother was offering Patons wool, brand new, 50g balls at $1.00 per ball. Lo and behold a man, yes, a man says "I'll take all the yarn on your table, just add it up," doesn't she sell the whole lot? No one bought my little sacrifice, it just sat there first in the cold, then in the rain. Oh well, still made almost a $100.00 bucks so I can't complain. But can you believe a guy ends up buying the neighbour's wool. (He said it was for his mom but you know how guys are).

Progress report:
FANDANGO THROW: Doing very well, holding fandango and eggplant coloured Mission Falls together and it is beautiful, have had many comments on it, just need to buy more of the eggplant to finish. I will call it "winter cabbage" or "kale" as the green and the eggplant are AMAZING together.
DAUGHTER NO.2 HOODIE: Half way through back, had to frog some yesterday, saw a mistake but back on track (guarantee 30+ temperatures will hit the moment I finish the sweaters)
DAUGHTER NO.3 SWEATER: Finished back and front, just need to do sleeves and little roll neck
AFGHAN FROM 1970'S PATTERN BOOK: Haven't touched it in two weeks

Bought the new Interweave Knit book and oh the plans I have. I guess I can kiss that $100 bucks goodbye. My neighbour thinks I am going to feed my habit with this money, I wish I could prove her wrong and yet I continue to...

Knit On

Rip It... Rip It Good

Ever try to frog cotton chenille? I've been blowing chenille fibers out my nose since yesterday. Okay, have this great plan with the Colinette Fandango right? Wrong, oh so wrong. Get through one skein/hank/ball whatever and going to start with the Mission Falls and it just isn't working. So I start frogging. Not pretty. I'm thinking stripes of colour instead of the one ball of this, one ball of that strategy. Any comments, please feel free, I'm at that loser stage right now cuz I haven't completed anything in a while and I need that "just finished something" high. Suppose to be getting garage stuff ready and have been procrastinating like crazy. Still can't decide whether to get rid of some yarn yet. It's a big step, I don't know if I'm ready for it yet. Might try one of those crazy flower facecloths from the Weekend Knitting book again, mind you the last one I made almost sent me over the edge (again, I re-state, who's the pecker that invented dpns?) Had this conversation with my knitomatic homies and they quite agreed that it kinda sucked near the end especially(almost took one of my eyes out with those little suckers). Again, if anyone out there is a dpn pro, please enlighten me to the complexities of them, they scare me as much as pattern graphs. They are on my "don't go there" list along with cable patterns and any instructions that are more than a page long. Well GGK, chat you up later.

Raiders of the Lost Yarn

We are having a garage sale on Saturday, which is, indeed, the long weekend here in Canada. It is the weekend everyone opens their cottages and quite a few people go away. However, the neighbours have decided this weekend is it and I am following along. The question is, do I try and sell some old (relative term, only been knitting since October)or continue on with present stash? Went through stash 2 weeks ago and was thinking about getting rid of this and that but I was having a difficult time committing to this. Is that unusual? Is it yarn separation anxiety? Do others have this affliction of not wanting to part with said stash? Will there eventually be a NEED for the yarn you are about to depart with? How do you catergorize your yarn? I am usually a pretty organized individual but on this front I am very unmartha. At the moment there is yarn:

1. In dining room sideboard drawers (sticking out and cannot shut one drawer).

2. Artfully arranged in willow basket in livingroom, but dangerously close to overflowing like Mt. St. Helen.

3. In plastic bags in bedroom closet, corner in diningroom and front hall closet.

Any ideas/suggestions on this quandary, please let me know.

Next Time...
Where To Stick the Needles